There have been multiple studies and surveys over the years looking at how often married couples have sex. The answer? It’s all over the place. There are a lot of factors to consider, including age, busy schedules, kids, and more. Older couples tend to have sex less frequently—about 2-3 times a month, while younger couples tend to have sex around once a week. A very small percentage of couples (about 5%) have sex multiple times a week. Do those numbers surprise you? Where would you say your marriage falls into those statistics?
Most people want to know how often married couples have sex because they want to compare their own sex lives to what’s most common. However, that can be a slippery slope. Let’s dig a little deeper into how often it happens and why that number is important.
The Recommendations for a Healthy Sex Life
Of the many studies and surveys done on the sex lives of married couples, most experts agree that having sex once a week is a good “baseline” for most spouses. Sometimes you might have more, sometimes you’ll have less. Aiming for at least once a week, however, can be beneficial to your marriage for a variety of reasons.
No, sex shouldn’t be the top priority in your relationship. However, there are many personal benefits to having a healthy sex life, as well as benefits that can affect your relationship. From a personal standpoint, having sex each week can boost your immune system, lower your blood pressure, and help with conditions like depression and anxiety.
When it comes to your relationship, a healthy sex life can strengthen your bond with your spouse. It will tighten your emotional connection and intimacy, and renew your commitment to each other. If you’ve heard of married couples losing the “spark” in their relationship, an underlying reason could be a lack of consistent sex.
How Often Should You Have Sex?
If you’ve looked at some of the numbers listed here, you might be panicking if you don’t have sex that often. Take a deep breath. No rule’s set in stone regarding how often you should have sex. If you’re unable to do it once a week, don’t assume that your marriage is in trouble or that you’re losing your intimate connection with your spouse.
Instead, work with your partner to determine the best “schedule” for both of you. Yes, that sometimes means dedicating a specific day each week or month to intercourse. While that might not sound especially romantic, it shows your spouse that you are making time specifically for them and your marriage.
It’s also important to talk to your spouse about your sex life. Far too often, couples struggle in the bedroom because they aren’t willing to be open and vulnerable about their needs and wants. Maybe your partner wants to have sex more frequently. Maybe you would both be okay with having it less often. You might be surprised by what you learn.
Don’t Give In to Pressure
Don’t rely on statistics and surveys when it comes to determining what’s right for your sex life. Instead, communicate with your partner to decide what’s right for you. However, if you feel like your sex life is struggling, it could be a “side effect” of other struggles in your marriage.
If you’re concerned that might be the case, or you’re not sure why your sex life isn’t what you want it to be, consider contacting me for couples counseling. As a couple, getting your sex life back on track can help you feel closer than ever, but it has to be on a schedule that fits the structure of your marriage.
